Simply Me

Its Always Love..

2011-05-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

hey mom...thank you for everything you've done for me...or should i just remove that..for maybe thanking her would simply reduce her everlasting love and divine forgiveness and giving it a lesser value...and yet no word has been formed to truly honour this woman in my life...

there is this one song that i used to sing in school and each time my mind felt free and my eyes a bit heavy....its called ... Mother of mine

Mother of mine you gave to me,

All of my life to do as i please,
I own everything i have to you,
Mother sweet mother of mine.

Mother of mine when i was young
You showed me the right way
Things should be done,
Without your love where would i be,
Mother sweet mother of mine.

Mother you gave me happiness,
Much more than words can say,
I pray the lord that he may bless you,
Every night and every day.

Mother of mine now i am grown
And i can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet mother of mine...

isnt it beautiful??...and each time i hear this...it scares me...for now i am at this age when i would be old enough to be a mother..many of my friends are or will be one soon...but...no i cannot say about them..but i, will i be able to be what my mother could be?...i confess i have day dreamed a lot about being one...it would be beautiful and so perfect....a child would bring in laughter...and i have plans...nothing rigid...just things i have always dreamed to do with my own child...the long walks the morning coffees and horlicks...the schools the books....and yet they will have the flexibility to do what they want...and then i laugh...for me charting out this whole plan in itself is a way to take over...to shun them the chance to choose....and that scares me...there is so much different now...the way people are...the way people think...and somehow, although it doesn't matter to me...i cannot tolerate myself running away from what is traditionally correct...or at least so in my mind...and i fear that my own children may not be able to receive the correct amount of freedom and rigidity my mother managed me with...

i always look back in time and wonder...how each time...she worked behind the scenes while pushing me out in the front...and made people recognise and understand me...how she without showing herself...managed to make me climb higher with each new journey...she wanted nuthing less from me...nothing but what was the best...and yet when it did not yield...she never let me fall back in despair...

from the little things...like a puchkka party at 11pm as a surprise for getting thru mayo...or never letting me know or feel embarrassed about my first crush and my poem on him...to the big things like pushing me to believe in myself when i lost all hope of ever standing back on my feet again...pulling me out of an year long depression i never realised i had...

shes always been at the back of me...somehow behind me and my father...knowing all along she was so much more...she could've been so much more...but she chose me instead...

every inch a goddess...time feels like it has begun its little game...robbing me of being with her...for i have strayed so far away....chosen a path that never crossed with her too much...that now it feels like it is too late...i fear that about me...and then fear my selfishness...wondering if i could let my child go away like she let me...if i could let my child learn and yet be able to rush to her aid with her smallest cry...mum knew...she always knew....

i have been closer to dad than mum...but there are so many things i wish i had learned from her...and yet each time i promise to be with her...destiny pulls me away...further...and if it isn't destiny its me...and yet she smiles and lets me go...

i know ma...i don't say this often..to me a typed word is easier...and although this day should simply not be for today only, as mothers day...it gives me the sense to take me back to you...

LOVE YOU MA...for everything i know and everything i don't know and will never know....

My first short story...

2011-02-02T07:24:00.000-08:00

“Panditji, this is taking too long can’t you speed it up a bit,” Shekhar yawned and managed to wink at me at the same time. I couldn’t help letting out a small giggle for which I got a light whack at my back by my elder cousin. We had been sitting for too long now, almost 3 hours. But then I was told that was how it was at weddings, mine was no different.

I was getting married to my college sweetheart, a love story been written to death by Bollywood directors. Boy meets girl, she doesn’t notice till some bad guys from the same college give her unwanted attention and well then comes our dear hero and suddenly the girl realizes how perfect the boy is. Yes, that pretty much sums up my love story.

I looked down to stifle my smile, knowing only too well that the sudden fits of giggles that usually rise up at odd moments are almost impossible to curb, which if tried too hard, came out as snorts. Now that sort of thing would not do especially keeping in mind that my would-be in-laws were sitting right in front of me. So I simply tried giggling softly, I called them whispered giggles, a technique I learned from my mother. And just like that I didn’t need to try anymore, the uprising had stopped as quickly as it had started.

My mother, the same woman who was sitting right in front of me, trying to catch my eye just like Papa. It was too late, didn’t they know that? They threw me away from them long before I could know I was no more home. I was their only child, the apple of their eye born almost 16 years after their marriage. I grew up with a smug knowledge that whatever I would ask for would be given to me without questions. I lived the dream every child has, of getting each wish fulfilled before I even form the right words. I can’t remember a time when my parents said no, and I think that’s why sending me away like that stunned me into silence. I never protested as they thought I would, I didn’t kick or scream or make a scene, no I was too proud for that.

I never wanted to leave my school, my friends and restart my life with strangers, but I didn’t have a choice. I knew as much without needing to raise my voice against the injustice of it all. They gave their reasons nonetheless, they thought I should learn the hard way, learn how to handle when someone said no.

They never heard from me again, my letters were never me, just some facts which we were forced to write to our parents every week. Those years were nothing short of hell, but they never knew. They even came to visit, but every time I went out into the city, carefully corresponding my outings with their visits.

My years in school were not the best moments of my life but it did teach me to be independent. With time I began applying for colleges, in cities as far away as possible and finally made it to Xaviers, Mumbai. My life kept going, but it seemed better, my friends were not so different from me anymore. There were times I felt I could move on in life and forget everything, and then when I had almost convinced myself that I could, I met Shekhar.

I wasn’t the most popular girl in campus or the prettiest, but for Shekhar I was nothing less than an angel, it was in his eyes. I’ve met men who look at you as if they could gorge you, but he saw me in a way that made me feel needed, wanted, something I realized I hadn’t felt in a long long time. We were the cute couple on campus for the next 5 years and before long, he proposed.

Like any other girl these days, marriage was a thought that I did not hope for till much later, preferably never. But then they say you can’t plan your life, so here I was next to a man I loved and sitting in front of me were those whom I should have been crying for like every other bride.

We finished the final phera and it was time to take our blessings from everyone. My in-laws hugged me tight welcoming me into their family. A hand caressed my cheek wiping away a tear I didn’t realize anyone could see. I turned hoping to Shekhar there but was met with old brown eyes that held back so much more than tears in them. And this time I could not look away.

How did she grow so old? Never before did I notice those wrinkles around her eyes, or those slightly crimsoned greys almost splattered across her forehead. Her hair was dying. What happened to those long tresses I used to love combing at nights hoping mine would grow just like Ma’s. She seemed so different, so helpless, and those tears? Many of my friends said they had never seen their dads cry, well my mom was the stronger one and not once had I heard her raise her voice or cry.

And then, just like that, we hugged. My heart soared and my mind went back to those carefree years from my past. They way she hugged me the first time I scraped my knee on my cycle, the day a boy in my class pulled on my pigtail and called me a sissy, when I got my first period, I even told her how my crush finally found out and embarrassed me in front of the whole class. She was the one who introduced me to music, applauding me on my singing and pushing me to competitions and being there each time I lost or won looking at me with equal amount of pride.

I missed her so much, her soap, her soft fingers now wrinkled beneath mine. And then it hit me. I won’t be with her anymore, I had asked Shekhar to take me away from India, somewhere far away from everyone. I won’t ever know what happened in those years I wasn’t there. I always thought I never wanted to hear their reasons, that I didn’t need to know if they had stopped loving me.

“Smriti beta?” an uncertain hoarse voice called me from the back. I knew my father well, he wouldn’t have called out again. Never before did I feel the urgency in his voice and neither do I remember having complied to his wishes so fast. Papa wasn’t an easy person to live with, he gave me all I wanted but I knew it came at the price of my mum bearing the brunt. He had certain rules I always felt obliged to rebel against and yet he managed to always have an upper hand. He was never comfortable with me being so feminine, my lack of interest in sports always amazed him.

The old man in front of me seemed no more than the ghost of the man I knew then. His eyes were covered with spectacles and he was using a cane to support his weight. The man I knew had scorned at these objects even when once he had come back from the hospital after a major accident which had not only temporarily affected his eyesight but had also left him with a weak limb. I suddenly realized where I got my strength and stubbornness from. I had always thought I was more like my mother, but had secretly always admired Papa for his actions.

I don’t know how long the three of us stood looking at each other, but no one seemed to be there anymore. I didn’t quite know what to say, there was no more any anger in me, it was long past that. What I had were questions, questions on why they sent me off to a boarding when I was just learning about life, when things were just making sense to me.

He seemed to have understood me, but left me standing there. “Don’t walk away papa,” but he didn’t stop.

“Beta, he wanted me to give you this, he loves you a lot you know,” handing me an envelope my mum looked straight into my eyes a note of hope in her voice. She then silently followed her husband.

And they never came back, not even when I was leaving and the rest of my family came to bid me farewell.

Throughout the journey Shekhar held me tight. For the first time I cried like a baby, those years of not knowing came out in tears searing a pain so strong in my heart I knew I could never be happy again.

I had read the letter.

Smriti beta,

You’re a married woman now, congratulations. Did you know you have always been our pride, our little miracle child? We’ve watched you from afar for many years now, I am sorry we hurt you so badly, you didn’t deserve any of it. You were everything we wanted and so much more.

I am writing this letter to tell you that you were loved. The last few days made me realize how much you needed to know that. Your eyes have been asking these questions without you knowing it. I always thought it was better you never knew, for then you might be able to hurt less. But then I saw you look at your niece in doubt when she held out her hand to you with so much of trust. I puzzled on it for so long, for even as a child you were the nurturer, the mother to those younger to you, you had changed. And as always it was your mother who bailed me out, made me realize that you may have doubts about your own maternal love, question it because of what happened to you, if it would be temporary for you too.

It is thus I have to tell you my child that we never left you. We have been there besides you knowing about you as a girl and a woman. There had been times we wanted to come out in the open to help you, especially when you lost to a far lesser singer at a school competition. We had seen you wake up early mornings to riyaz. It was so difficult for us to be away from you then but you were strong even when you were on your own.

We were living in the colony near your school and had told your teacher never to tell you all this. I have been ill for many years now, the day we decided to send you to a boarding was the toughest day of our life. I was to be hospitalized for a few months, you were too young then, we didn’t want to leave you alone at home. Our relatives were out of question because of reasons you have seen yourself when you were with us. I didn’t want you to waste your year just because of this, but we also knew that you would have never gone had we told you the truth, you’ve always been as stubborn as a mule. So we had no other choice. And then you never came back, we knew you avoided us but you were growing, learning. You were doing things we knew we could never teach you, had you been with us, your life would have been lived running between school and the hospital.

I hope I am not too late beta, to ask for your forgiveness. You’ve grown up to be a beautiful woman both from the outside and from within. May god bless you with beautiful children who would be really lucky to have you as a mother.

Aashish

Papa

When I work @the 11th hour...

2011-01-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

was too busy making a movie that I forgot the written assignment we were asked to do alongside...we were to write a visual diary every week...well lets just say i scribbled the following lot an hour before I had to move my butt to catch my train for the hols :D...NJOY!! ;)

Psst....Visual Diary (VD) 1 hasnt been posted...I more or less copied from my previous post...
On a not-so-fine morning

VISUAL DIARY 2:
The withered leaves were crunching on the gravel as his footsteps got closer. I felt a shiver down my spine in this humid day in the month of April.
God help me! I wanted to itch so badly, but the silence was so deafening that I was sure if I moved, my scratch would raise the dead and then I would have to change my place.
There was heavy breathing accompanying the footsteps now. I peeked through my fingers to see a silhouette not far from where I hid. Against the sunlight it seemed he could almost vanish at will.
And then it happened. The damn wind came out of nowhere. At first it felt great and gave a cooling affect to my sweaty neck but then some strands from my hair band got loose and began to rustle across my nose, tickling me to a sneeze.
I really did try hard, but after all I could do only so much.
I sneezed and like a well functioning zip I heard heels of shoes screech to a halt right above me. He removed my cover and I had to shield my eyes against the sharp light.
Gotcha, he smiled.
But I smile back, now it’s my turn to be the hunter.

VISUAL DIARY 3:
The white wall was where they would stare at each other every day. The look in the eyes of the reptile wasn’t dainty in the least, it was obvious what it wanted, but the bee was too fast for the old bugger.
It was almost a ritual, as the seconds hand reached the 20 seconds place at 5mins past one you saw the bee buzz through the uncovered part of the wired white window and settle down on the wall. And as if in tune with the bee’s movements, the lizard comes slithering in to start a staring match which lasts till he decides to make a move.
He always looked at the bee with the same glassy eyes. No blinks, no shifting of the pupil. Just one straight constant stare.
The bee always knew when he came. For the faint buzzing sound that it emitted even while resting on the wall always came to a complete stop. The only thing that could be heard at that hour was the creaking of the old overhead fan and a faint noise from a distance of school bus arriving with the primary children returning home.

VISUAL DIARY 4:
He was cold and yet kept sweating, the fan was on the table. He reached out for the switch, first switching it on, then he turned it off and then on again. This went on for almost 20 mins. Then with a grunt and a huff he pushed himself to standup, taking a quick look in the mirror he decided his blue shorts and orange and black striped shirt would be alright to wear to the chemists shop. His face needed to be washed first though, there was a white patch right on his stubble under his lower lip.
Shaking his head he wondered how his ex-girlfriends could stay with him when he drooled so much that most of the pillow got wet the next day.
He took his first step towards the bathroom on his left. His feet buckled, and he tripped on his internets wire.
Shit! He forgot to turn off his laptop after chatting last night. The dim light from the screen could still be seen. The nauseating smell of last night’s dinner still lingered in the air. He should have thrown that too, it was beginning to stink, a faint hum of sour cheese could be whiffed out.
Strangely he found it comforting, he eyes began flickering again, drooping.
He knew he should get up. He lifted his hand once more and *CRASH* his hand fell on the side table. It hurt, a perfect excuse to take rest, he smirked and let sleep take over.

VISUAL DIARY 5:
She saw her watch again, it was a gift from her mother. It looked like it was made for the girl wearing it, it was just as delicate as the girl, white, pale enough to match her skin tone. The diamond that sparkled when in the sun was not unlike the girl’s light green eyes.
Sighing, she took out a cigarette and a lighter from the lower right side pocket of her polka dotted green dress. You could see from her clothes that she needed lots of pockets in her dresses to carry her smokes, chewing gums, and other knick knacks.
Her hand shook a little as she put the cigarette in her mouth and tried to light it with a lighter.
It wasn’t allowed there, she knew that. But her stomach had begun to clench which meant she would faint if she didn’t smoke.
She hated the acrid stench that came from the cigarette but she didn’t have a choice, she was wheezing now, hissing through her yellow teeth.
It was dark inside, she wondered if she might burn the closet, she had always hated those furry jackets anyways. But she was distracted by the ticking of her watch, it was only that she had wanted afterall.

VISUAL DIARY 6:
She sits, blankly staring at the cracked ceiling above, oblivious to the pain and voices around her.
The green blur makes no difference to her, her blank eyes stare at one place, with a far away look. They try everything to make her cry, scream, rant. Any noise to show she is not beyond help.
The clock keeps ticking and people by her door come in and out. The not-so-white walls with yellow patches stay hidden right in front of her eyes.
She hears, sees, tastes, feels nothing. She doesn’t cringe at the touch of steady, loving, caring hands that hold back a simmering anger as they feed her. Someone coughs, and a voice asks the person attached to it to leave.
Her father couldn’t stay in and was subjected to sudden unexpected agonising screams while holding a newspaper and the mocking picture. The man has been set free to hunt flesh again. The father was helpless, unshed tears mixed with the helplessness for his daughter and anger for the man.

VISUAL DIARY 7:
The tree stood in the middle of the road. It had a twisted bark which then grew as a green tip almost 8feet from the ground. It seemed to have no leaves, only very soft thorns slightly orange in colour.
As a car passes through the side of this strange tree it sways to the other side very slightly. If looked carefully you could almost see the bark bending.
The flowers are clustered right on the top of the tree, which have been forbidden to pluck, as said on the sign hung by a strong dirty white cloth around the tree’s bark.
The edges of these white flowers have begun to turn brown because of the toxin in the air. But no one wants to have it removed from there, they say that the light tangy fragrance emitted by these flowers keep the drivers happy and ensure that they drive safely.
No one knows how the tree came to be there, but its silhouette as the dusk sets in, reassures everyone in the town letting them snore in their beds in safety.

VISUAL DIARY 8:
There was still the packing to do, 30 mins, that’s all she had. She was no marathon runner but she had to do this, her plans had been made and couldn’t change now.
20 mins, she had to hurry now but her leg hurt, a sweat broke out on her forehead, will she be able to make it?
15 mins, the handbag was done, now the bigger one. The clothes were sprawled across her bed, her room smelling dusty already as if it doesn’t want her to go.
12 mins, almost done, but she has to go out of her room for a while, her stomach starts hurting, she has to eat something or else she would puke. The bitter-sour taste had already begun rising.
Ripping a packet of biscuits she had planned to pack, she munched four down in 5 straight seconds, the light outside was dimming she had to catch a cab.
4 mins, she whoops, she’s all set to leave now. She picks her bag throwing it across her shoulders. She sighs, and takes her steps towards a new journey.

Tuning into nostalgia

2010-12-18T22:24:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I wrote something and to those who are just a tad bit curious (talk about self importance) well I have been travelling quite a bit. Uprooting myself from Hyderabad I reached Pondicherry with a dear friend I like to call Peelu - in case your curious again, she has a thing for the colour yellow. Anyhow after a week of awesomeness which included a darling little sis, oops my bad, darling big girl lil sis who is almost 3 and could put a radio jock to shame, well I uprooted to saddi Dilli.

Reuniting there with mom went as expected, she hugged me and began her non-stop comments on I don't care much about myself etc. etc. Oh and yeh for the n'th time she wondered why I never went for those famour kerela massages and therapies that are, according to her, available at every nook n corner of "south".

Hmm.. well this time I guess cos of the last 25 years of knowing her I was wise enough to keep my trap shut, plus she anyhow was all excited about her school's golden jublee and an eventual reunion of school friends which was too cool.

And yeh it got me thinking that with so many jumps in life and not sticking around for more than 3 yrs in one school, would I ever be that excited? Mum and her sisters (my maasi's) have spent most of thier student lives in one school and watching them get back with thier old friends many of whom they never saw in almost 40 years made me too darn nostalgic (lately it seems to be my favourite emotion : ..)

And zooming into the present I got back to that mood by listening to old songs ranging from Denver to the Backstreet Boys - so well now coming to that lovely topic I gave to the post, here's a list of songs I randomly chose and memories associated with each...

Maybe it could be made into a tag game - member those?? So now I tag everyone who reads this post to pick out the songs from my list if any of them have a corresponding memory for you and add on more songs of your choice that make you think back in your life. These songs could be in any language of any time...I hope you enjoy tuning back in your life....

Here I go...

1). Chappa Chappa Charkha Chale - My first solo dance on stage, I was in Burma and although most of the audience didn't understand a word of that song I was known as the chappa chappa girl for the rest of the months I was in that school.

2.) Dancing Queen - This ABBA song was my first group song that we sung in an interhouse competition and we won... :) I still remember our 12th senior shivani di making us work like crazy and shifting me from base to super harmony, also I recall gargles at 10 in the night and each of us getting a mulethi to chew on....

3.) Ekla chalo re - A song I recall that we sung quite frequently in our school assemblies, it has a new meaning to me these days...so I kinda chose it above the others.

4.) Take a chance - Another ABBA number that won us the interhouse competition ... GO SAM!!!

5.) Nothing's gonna change my love for you - A song I introduced to a dear cousin who was new with English numbers.

6.) Runaway - The first english pop song my cuz introduced me to.

7.) Pal - A song that makes me sentimental every single time...it's a song for all those goodbyes shared...

8.) Leaving on a jet plane - another farewell song..

9.) Viva Forever - A song I remember as a group song and also a song I associate with one of my friends... she was a dear friend at one point of my life and even though I rarely chat with her this song always takes me back to those times we sung it in our dorm :)

10). Who let the dogs out - A song that was played during socials when our boarding school invited the boys school to visit, it was kinda hilarious cos as soon as mayo boys entered the area the girl at the juke box played this song.

11.) Final countdown - The theme and song we chose for our 10th std seniors as most girls leave after that class... it was also appropriate as the countdown for thier boards had also begun.

12.) Truly madly deeply - One of the first songs of savage garden I'd heard and was totally in love with the album all through my 8th and 9th.

13). Would you...!!? - One hellava naughty song which was quite scandalous in those days, but I loved the rhythm of the song.

14). Zombie - Kinda a negetive memory associated with this, I'd never heard of this song so my classmates used that and made me believe that they made it all up...it wasn't a healthy teasing setion, they took it too far.

15). Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka - A song I heard a lot as a kid along with :
16). Brown girl in the ring
17). Obladee oblada

18). Excuse me, Kya re - Lol ... a song I remeber rather well cos this was a song I was again clueless about and one fine day the whole damn 11th std is singing it. I kinda found out about it a few days later, but I can't forget that confusing feeling that I was missing something.

19). Tan tana tan ..chalti hai kya nau se bara - This salman khan song was a hit during the mid 1990's. It was 1996 and I can still remember the trip to Fun 'n' Food village in 6th std. We had a whole bus to ourselves and sung this song all the way.

20). Sleeping Child - A song I sung solo again in 7th I remember practising for it like crazy and winning the competition. :)

21). Jaane jaa dhundta phir raha - Most of my APJ friends can associate with this memory, we screwed up big time on stage while singing this song. It was a horrible but hilarious moment.

22). Country road - A song I always remember as been taught as a classroom assignment.

23). Yaaron - Another KK song that reminds me of the bus journeys where 2 of my friends one singing the other on the guitar practising for the teacher's day celebrations.

24). Dhoom pichak dhoom - A song that was played a lot during the outings our school took us to after each year end.

25). Kyun chalti hai pawan - Another song I remember which one of my classmates enjoyed a lot and thanks to her during our journey to a dairy we had to listen to all through the journey.

26). Get down - my first BSB song that i couldn't stop listening and dancing to.

27). Quit playing games with my heart - The song that got me my first crush, Nick Carter. :P

28). Fiza - A song I just fell in love with during my boarding days....

29). Dont wanna miss a thing ..Aerosmith - A song that is "ours"

30). Are you lonesome tonight - The first song that was sung to me and exclusively for me.

31). Chaudhavi ka chand ho - Dad sung this song for mom during our new year bonfire nights.

32). Hotel California - the 1st song I heard played by our school band, whom I thot were too cool to be students really.

33). All songs of boyzone by request - Each song is associated with my best friend ever...filled with memories of pajama nights and late night maggis and endless talks.

34). Dil Chata Hai - All songs from this movie remond me of a ourney with 3 of my closest friends after we took to our seperate lives post school and decided that just cos we are in different cities it doesn't mean we can't be together, so by the end of our 1st year of grad the four of us went out to missourie and dehradun on a journey that I know we can never have now...

35). Sharara sharara - The song that I couldn't help dancing to at an uncle's wedding and now at every lady sangeet everyone has to make me dance. (classic case of apne per pe kulhadi marna :P)

36). And I will always love you - A bitter sweet memory that taught me a lot...a person because of whom I was made to realise that life and people aren't always what they seem from the outside, she made me trust nothing after that for a long time...and yet I can't not help miss those moments (its about ....paper roses... I guess)...

37). Purani Jeans - A song thats been sung across my school life esp during bus journeys.

38). Suno na - A song a senior of mine sung when I was in Nagpur...i had never heard the song before and later when i found out that it was sung by shaan sumhow I still think it wouldve been a great song in a females voice :).

Too lazy to lie...

2010-11-28T20:32:00.000-08:00

Did you know that sometimes lying could be a sign of being noble and brave, and many a times it’s far easier and less painful to be honest. Many people tell the truth and get away with it cos they simply don't have to keep thinking what story they had made up last time. The truth never changes so it wouldn't be too difficult to remember would it?

I mean honestly is there really something great about being honest. Think about it, many a times when you admit that there is a certain flaw in you and can manage to take it when someone else says the same, people simply cannot tease you. I mean it's easier to pull someone’s leg when someone is lying or hiding something, if you come clear with something there isn't much fun in ranting on and on about something that's already been accepted by the person concerned. People simply lose interest, no mystery you see.

So you see when you lie, especially for unselfish reasons it is difficult to maintain it. What happens when you are entrusted with the deepest secrets of your friends who trust you not to leak out information about themselves or may ask you to lead the others on a false trail. Can you imagine how hard that would be? Or keeping information from someone simply because if he/she gets to know about it, it would harm him/her. In these cases wouldn't it be so much easier to simply tell the truth and throw the burden away from our shoulder.

I mean when you lie you constantly have to remember what you said, also one has to keep looking over one's shoulder in case one needs to speak the truth as a relief. quite reminds me of a guy who wants to pee badly and looks around a selected deserted place just in case there aren't people watching cos though he knows there is no toilet around and he doesn't have a choice for he needs that release, he isn't doing the right thing.

Ooo the constant headache!! It’s far better to face the immediate consequences than delay it for some other time while spoiling your sleep.

So kudos to all those who lie and can keep up a lie, it's tough work really, I won’t say I don't tell white lies one time too many but then if things stretch I simply come out with the truth, sorry boss too lazy to think of creative lies really, plus I definitely need that sweet sleep by the end of the night, don’t u??

Crime in 55 words

2010-11-23T13:48:00.000-08:00

Murder she wrote, murder it was.

The motive was right but the time was not.

I was sure it could be the husband.

It all fit.

But how did she manage to write on the mirror?

Time, it didn’t fit.

I was outside. I heard it.

Wait, did I say that aloud?

Shit, everyone’s looking.

The BIG 3-'O'

2010-11-15T11:14:00.000-08:00

I know some people might find this to be too early for me to think on these terms..and yet I feel it isn't too far off...

what truly got to me though was a girl's post called

The Adventures of a 20-Something Year Old

It spoke about the emotional risks we take in our 20's that somehow are far more dangerous than the risks we take on a physical level...

And that got me thinking...what if I one day got up and turned 30...had a family where I wasn't the child anymore...what then....

I looked back through the last couple of years of my life and realised that I've had a luxury not many could have...even at my age...I guess its because of who I am and how my parents understand me...

I've had the luxuries to shift my ambitions of being a commerce grad to a child psychologist to a journalist to a literature professor to an editor in a publication house....to currently a teacher cum researcher in various methodologies of education...

And lord knows what comes next..

I've had my friends who've questioned my jumps....I've had them wonder why I never quite focus...but somehow I shift along with a confidence, knowing that there is this safety net right beneath me...and however old I am...and I am quite ahead in my 20's...that net would remain...

and then it strikes me...

in a few years the roles would be reversed...or at least it will from my part...a few years and I would be that safety net...I would be looking after that someone who would have ambitions ...and if she/he is anything like me.. would have that urge to jump around trying everything... unconsciously knowing that I'd be down there holding that net no matter what...

ok STOPPPPPP halt and REVERSE .....

like always I never end up writing my posts on what I plan to begin it with in the first place....but this time I will....

the BIG 3-O... I have almost 5 years before that number knocks on my door...and somehow it got me thinking about the risks I took during my 20's ... risks of the heart and career paths....I've jumped around as I pleased and took chances where I knew I might fall and hurt myself...despite that safety net below me...

and yet it got me thinking...however deep I may fall...it would always be a fall I would take...

I and no one else...and so it gave me the freedom to pick up the pieces of my heart or pride or whatever got shattered in the process and jump up and walk again....

but what when life fast forwards into my 30's...??? life would have to be trodden with care...the stakes would rise...so high that one wrong step would just not pull you down but it would bring all that along with you which you may never be able to pick up after the mess you made...

good lord I sound like a girl with 4 long lives lived behind her.... and yet I can't seem to shake this feeling off....

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii saaxy.........i love u....

2010-11-07T02:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since i've been pondering to write on this topic...actually i won't be writing much...i just wanna add a few interesting mails i receive now and then....

As sure as I know that the girls can empathise with me...I also know the guys maybe clueless...but these are a few interesting messages i have received in the last few months...unfortunately this idea struck me only a couple of months back...there were some classics i deleted which were 'must reads' especially on orkut..but i can't seem to access my account there since a long time...nehow since i have to make do with the ones i have...and since i never could quite reply to em y dnt u try n help me out...(though a few of my daring frenz do manage that) sadly m no sherin but...here goes....

first the ok sorts..

Abhi Kapoor http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001186813235 June 12 at 10:17pm

do beautiful ppl make new freinds...if they do then just rem i m in the que

ਬਿਕ੍ਰਮ੍ਜੀਤ ਸਿੰਘ ਸਹ੍ਨਿhttp://www.facebook.com/onepunjabi June 27 at 7:19pm

nice id pic very expressive liked it.....

Rakesh Adnani July 1 at 4:18pm Report

hey!are u the one from kishan sir's batch in buskers?u have changed so much...ur really looking...gorgeous!

lolzzz...this guy removed his profile i guess...but i think he had erm 15 friends all off them girls guess they were all with kishan sir :P.....gawdddddddd........dnt people have better things to do :|

ok now they get wierder...

Deepak Saroha http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000916548089 September 23 at 1:57pm

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii chashmis kya dekh rhi ho

...chasmis really :P.......

Naren Singh http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001037006406 September 25 at 12:41am

hi aashi ur pic looks soo cool im 27m from delhi can we be frnds nd let me know more about u what ru doing .........

Randhir Raj Sharma http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001301545192 September 28 at 9:46am

Locking So Sweet

lol...for debz n mango....read - rape of the lock ;)

Vishal Rajput http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001630729707 September 28 at 8:44pm

hi Aashi mam how r u can u talk to me

i can my dear...but i wont :P....and where r ur punctuations m'dear...now now since i am mam... ;)

Shahji Ji http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000881714529 October 2 at 7:36pm

Hi Aashi kaisi ho I Love U

ah yes....my first i love you after so many months.....i was wondering what made me stop look...err..lockin lovable :P.. ;)

and a new one...(this is minus the 5 other hi's and wanna be frenzz msgs) :P

Abhishek Bhullar

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000310664369 November 2 at 11:25pm Report

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

wow aswm pica

lukng realy g'gous

it all began with "kya aap mere saath FRAANDSHIP karengi" ...n now well they cum up with newer things....how adorable....

lol.........

i dunno how ya'll will react 2 this...but i must say boys...(though the male population is far gr8r than the female population....n well sum go ahead and have polygamy even then.....) u really need 2 stop this.....obviously the load of u hv made fake profiles...but wats the point of this really???????.......newyz...do share ne interesting "eternal luv" promises and fraanship msgs u get here......and if u can...pls get those ppl 2 read this... :P

with luv....

chasmis :P

P.S.

HERE ARE SOME CLASSIC CONTRIBUTIONS BY MY FRENZ ON THIS TOPIC...NJOY..

;)

FRIEND 1:

hahaha brilliant!! And yes, my sincere sympathies..!

Would love to share my 'awesome' experiences..:P Apart from the usual 'u r lookin cute' ..' ur b;ful' and all that nonsense..the most recent are :

Subject: Hello

Facebook has recommended me to add you as my friend. Wondering if we know each other?

hey ay hii *name*

this mounis here...

what do ya do messy???? ;)

the worse so far has been:

"Subject: U r really worth a second look!

Hey, I wanna b ur comfort. wud u lik to hav it or leav it?"

Wth lol These are the recent onez on FB..Orkut, well..I havent checked my acct for the past 4 months. Guys dont get it that these random msgs are very irritating and some 'compliments' are jst not in good taste. Anyway, I like this note! haha

FRIEND 2:

hahahhhaaa.......this is too good!!! me likey it!!!:D

ok....here are a couple of funny ones in my inbox.....

1. Hey *name* =)

wana make frendshp wid me ?

now sumbody plz tell me how do we 'make' frendship??..so that I can 'make' more and more of it...;)

ok..and this one takes the cake:

"hi i am Tanveer and i am completely impressed after looking at your profile and cool beautiful picture .......well now my only compliment to you is that god was completely free when u got produced and your simple beautiful gift to earth.......and who so ever got you as his wife he will be really very lucky........now i am here just to move forward my hand for friendship well this all depends upon your wish u may accept or reject but one thing i know very well all person who has born are made for some special reason and so may be we got interacted with each other and may be this could be the god wish .......and so if u get me chance then you will be always happy with this decision as i am really very funny guy down to earth and also helping hand and know real meaning of friendship and worth of friends so if u strongly believe in destiny then get me one chance ......may be we can have good company and good reasons to be friend so take everything positive all words really mean to me ..........

Regards

Tanveer"

looks like he's a dialogue writer for yash chopda or karan johar clan ;)

FRIEND 3:

hmmm......for me wen i used to have hermione's dp.....1 fellow had msgd me..

..hey hermione remember im your ron...

.lolzz :d:d

FRIEND 4:

Hye hii gal hwz ya

Well jus wana 2 tell u tht u were lukin oouucch in ur pic MashAllah ;)

Beii "

do i look so painfull? :o

Between You and Sajid Farhan

01 July at 15:55 Report

u r great babo

what does babo mean? :P

one more

"i noe , itz like yew aint noe me , niether do i , juz wanted to add yew up so did i ...

hope yew aint gawt ny objection wit dat ??

wud realy like to add yew up as ma frnd , buh dunnu wether, is diz the correct way ov approachin yew ...

n besidez , itz the cycle , that people from being strangahz becum frnz , thatz how it iz ryte ...

nywayz rest is upto yew

dont worry , i aint trynna hit on yew ;) "

another one with the title

"stranger iz no more danger.."

u look beautiful in ur pro pic.. Hope u dont mind me saying u as u know i am a stranger.. :P

"cn u send me add request. BecoZ diz bLoOdY FaCeBook haS BlocKed My FRnDrEq. SO plZ SEnd me FraNd rEqueSt "

fb finally.. gettin sense! :P

FRIEND 5:

me tell you one...

hi grogeous were do ya stay?

I wanted to reply mars...but couldn't risk disclosing my secret :P

FRIEND 6:

Mohammed Saad Mohiuddin November 1 at 4:31pm Report

i noe , itz like yew aint noe me , niether do i , juz wanted to add yew up so did i ...

hope yew aint gawt ny objection wit dat ??

wud realy like to add yew up as ma frnd , buh dunnu wether, is diz the correct way ov approachin yew ...

n besidez , itz the cycle , that people from being strangahz becum frnz , thatz how it iz ryte ...

nywayz rest is upto yew

dont worry , i aint trynna hit on yew ;)

i wud hav sent yew a frnd request , buh this facebuk thinggy suckz...

cuz it allowz the frnd request to a certain limit ... n i dunnu itz screwed up'

I am better off alone

2010-11-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

what the hell is wrong with people...

suddenly this individuality aspect of people is simply creeping me out....how the hell did we become this way...i mean i wont blame random people rather i'll do that on meself..i mean how many times have i been on the phone talkin to some random person while i have soo many frenz nearby who need me...and to whom i talk to more on the phone than in person when we finally attain some distance..

yeye i know its a clichéd topic but this whole individuality thing has started freaking me out (or maybe i just hate admitting that age has started creeping up on me)...

anyhow am trying to have a group work done and somehow we cant work together...no nobody hates the other...but its like group work is encroaching upon so much of 'me-time' that its become more of a nuisance to the lot of us rather than the awesome assignment we had thought of it to begin with...

at least i'd speak for myself when i say that what began as a dream project is now just turning out to be a fight for decent grades...what the hell happened to the rosy "Larger Picture"

am sorry i may sound like i am rambling at the moment ..maybe i am ...but this whole darn things gotten me so riled up that i just want to spit it out...

nehow this is my problem... but i am more than sure that you too have in sumway or another dealt with such issues...

i haven't a clue as to what the solution should be but at this very moment i'd do anything for one...

well i guess i should go back to my phone now...was supposed to be calling this old fren of mine i haven't spoken to in months..

toodles...

What would you choose?

2010-10-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of minutes back I came across this post about rape victims and how we should mourn for those many cases still not out on the forefront...anyhow after I finished reading this article...right below it there was a question on whether or not we support the death penalty for rapists.

And this got me thinking. Is that enough? Of course not....I've always had it in my mind that a man who attempts such a heinous crime has no right to have such a quick release..

anyhow here was my comment for that post.....

I don't quite understand how we haven't begun the practice of castration...ppl keep talkin about death penalties...is that even a fair justice for a rape victim? i mean a girl looses all meaning in her life..the humiliation she faces the psychological trauma she faces....and a death sentence 2 a man...how convenient am sorry to say but a man capable of such a heinous act has his pride, fear and basically everything in that one object......

I had a chat with an old friend a few days back and she informed me about how somewhere in some state in the US this law has been passed...

so why can't it be practiced world over...a man needs 2 b punished that way so that he too lives in the society in such shame(at least it would be for him) and goes through such a trauma day in and day out ...it would even stop so many others by instilling a fear not even death deters

this has been on my mind for a long time...and i decided to google a bit on this matter...and came across an interesting poll..

http://www.likelike.com/pollcommentary.rhinoceros?poll_id=2115

I'll be honest enough and say that i never quite managed to read every comment but I did notice that though most people supported castration there was this one comment that caught my attention and to which although I don't think I can give a reply directly I would want to retort to...

heres the comment...

what if your son husband or father are wrongfully acused with such a crime and they are castrated.this is a problem with our justice system.also must police try to slve and find easy solutions to a case.this hurts society and all crimes either against women children or men.but yes as a man i'm for castration.only if we can get the guilty and not an inocent person.you wouldn't want to be wrongfully accused and some part of your body removed because of a misstake.

well although most of the comment agrees to the idea...its the beginning that bothered me...I mean if someone I knew had been wrongly accused I don't think I would want them dead either...those who are wrongly accused (and I do agree there are such cases) well any punishment to them is horrid...but for those who truly commit these crimes...it is a necessary step..it will instill a fear in them which no death sentence would ever do..

anyhow I know its a topic that is highly controversial but please understand am not talking about falsely accused people here...am talking about the choice of punishment for this crime...death or castration?

Towards the end of the preface…

2010-08-03T22:41:00.001-07:00

Down, down and away I gooooooooooooooo.

Yeh am off for Hyderabad now. Not many days left really. But somehow my little cameo at Macmillan will be there in my mind for the next one year, for if they take me back I’d love to work here again.

Man, am gonna miss all the crazy things you’ve gotta keep in mind, the fact that you’d havta be precise in your grammar ALWAYS! I love kids and to think I could make their fight with books a bit simpler gives me a high, honestly.

It’s like when you know you have a way to stop kids from grumbling every time they try to study for their tests you do kinda wanna make it better for em. At least for the little kiddos who’ve had it real hard these days. I mean think about what we did when we were 10 years old, poor dears! :(

In my case though, I can just do that for English. I’ve always loved English as a subject and even if I can make kids like it 50 percent of how much I loved it I’d consider it a job well done.

Oops! As always I diverted for the reason I started this post. I found a great Chief in Deepa ma’am and I know though she doesn’t quite like me calling her ma’am (no one in the media industry does) I can’t call her Deepa ever! It’s like calling your school teacher by their first name!

And it’s not just her, the people in and around me are awesome. I found a nice newbie like me who of course is a bong :P, whom I can go to just for a chat. Plus in my ol’ place (desk) I was surrounded by really smart folks [bongs again ;) or at least 4 out of 5 :P ]. Whenever I get a chance I slip off to them to complete my jabber, jabber quota of the day.

I really hope things work out here next year, but even if it doesn’t I know I’ve found an industry I might just enjoy working in. So let’s see where life drops me off next, for whenever I plan for a thing….it has an uncanny way of not happening.

But this is one book I really wanna finish with a happy ending :)…

Fingers crossed.

Cheers!

Chocolate Tears

2010-07-26T01:56:00.000-07:00

On the course of my work I came across a story based on the title..Although am not too sure if I can show you the version that would be printed I think I can talk about the original one.

Here’s the story..

Camilla Chomp was a very greedy, gluttonous little girl. She hardly had any friends because she thought it was much more fun to spend her time alone, eating cake and pudding. Her parents were worried, so they took all the sweet food in the house and hid it.

So Camilla left the house, desperately looking for something sweet to eat. On she went, until she ended up in a small abandoned hut full of old pots and glasses of all shapes and sizes. Out of all of them, the one that most caught Camilla's attention was a shiny little bottle made of gold-coloured glass. It seemed to be full of chocolate, and Camilla took a quick swig. It was delicious, but she felt a strange tickling sensation, so she read the label. "Glass Tears", it said, and in small print it explained: "Magically converts tears into chocolate."

Wow, was Camilla excited! She ran everywhere looking for someone who was crying, and she came upon a little girl who was weeping disconsolately. Sure enough, her tears were converted into chocolate, and as they ran down her cheeks, to her mouth, they sweetened her lips. That soon stopped her crying. Camilla and the girl spent a fun time together, tasting the delicious tears, and they parted as friends.

Something similar happened with a woman who had dropped some plates, and with an old man who couldn't find his walking stick. The appearance of Camilla and the chocolate tears cheered up those sad faces, helping them smile once again.

Soon Camilla realised that cheering people up was much more valuable even than chocolate. Her mad search for sweet food stopped, and her search became one for sad people who she could try to help.

And from those sweet encounters came a mountain of friends that filled her life with meaning and happiness.

How sweet eh...an overdose??? well it’s just the concept of tears changing into chocolate which got me thinking what if such a thing was true...would that really bring smile on the lips of those hurt..

I don’t know what exactly am driving at but I want to hear what you have to say about this? What you think would happen, should happen if such a thing existed....

On a not-so-fine morning....

2010-06-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

What a day!! I definitely must’ve gotten off or rather slept off on the wrong side of the bed. First of all, I never managed to sleep quite well for it was too damn humid and worse. It was one of those days where if you switch you fan on full it gets too darn cold, but if you don’t well then it’s just too hot. By then I thought I might as well count my blessings and look at it as something that for once will get me to the office well before time.

Ah!! I was so innocent.

And so with these happy happy thoughts I got off, and bam, my bro arrives from an early morning flight, and that leads to an interesting equation: Four people and One bathroom. Those who can understand, would empathise with the chaos. Well thus one thing led to another and yet again I was sprinting to make it on time.

So much for a relaxed journey. *SIGH*

But the icing on the cake was my drive to the office. It seemed as if suddenly the whole of Indirapuram/Noida had decided to mark their attendance, like everyone just finished off with their sick leave or something. I faced a jam at 6 different locations in my journey. BEAT THAT!! – Oh…actually I can do that :P, for not only was the traffic against me but so was my autowala, the guy I was ready to pay an extra 20 bucks so that he could get me to the office at a respectable time. But halfway into my journey I find out that the guy hasn’t a clue where to go, lol, talk about male ego :P . And it was obvious that he would never quite ask me.

So how did I figure out his secret? Let’s just say my awesome luck had a hand in that too. Now ya’ll know, so you won’t be surprised to hear that at every red light I faced just that, a RED Light. The only time we had a green light was one which I never quite needed. But apparently my autowala did. And so instead of taking a left, he, seeing a chance, sped of straight.

I have no idea how my face looked by then, but it must’ve been something as I managed to wipe off that stupid grin when the autowala tried to telepathically high5 me. I was sooo freaking mad. I think the only saving grace was that this is India where we can drive the other way even on a one way – sorry people – I aint proud of it if that would be any consolation, but if you think I had a reasonable excuse, well you’ve heard my side of the story. If you don’t think so, well then all I can say is that I can’t help it now, it’s the past, been over and done with.

Anyways, now here I am at my office, shame faced for being almost half an hour late. I haven’t a clue of how the rest of my day would go. The only good thing being that those around me, seeing me scribble all this on a notepad, somehow think I should slow down and enjoy my training a bit and not work so hard. ROFL!!

CHEERS people!!! Hope you have a nice day. :D

Holy shit! Fate might just get me hitched

2010-02-08T05:57:00.000-08:00

I am a serious believer in fate or destiny, which isn’t exactly a very good thing cos half the time that gets me lazy, and trust me I don’t need another perfect excuse to convince myself of that. Anyhow this time well fate worked in the right way, or at least I hope it will. If nothing else it at least got me to add another post in my long neglected blog ;). Hmm… well now to the story, as a few of you would know I was off for a wedding this weekend, a wedding of one of my closest buddy I even call it a landmark wedding, cos thanks to this one step of hers she’s caught the attention of not only my own but the rest of my group’s parents. That it was a green signal for future wedding bells is an understatement. Well although that was the story I had intended to write about, this post isn’t for that (believe me I would exactly call fate positive I that case).

So here I was all ready to go to the wedding, waiting for this other friend to pick me up from the Delhi airport, when I get a call from her telling me she would be late. Not exactly happy with the prospect of waiting outside, I decided to stick around inside the terminal. And as it would happen, nature decided to have a little fun and called for me. For those who travel solitary, well they would know that it isn’t exactly easy to leave stuff especially with constant reminders about how unattended luggage would be taken away. But alas I was fighting a losing battle for try as I might I could not delay the inevitable. Now with that in mind I searched for the perfect prey, someone who could wait without being fussy about just how long I would take and someone, well, “respectable” enough, if you know what I mean. I thus zeroed upon this lady sitting a row in front of me, she seemed to have matched the criteria. So I went about my business, in a rush of course, you really can’t trust too much you see it isn’t right. Well I was in luck the luggage was in one piece and the lady was all smiles, thank the lord for that. And here is when the fates decided to make an entrance, as I was walking towards my luggage another woman smiles at me and says “same thing” and points her luggage. Empathizing with her situation I obliged.

Now on a usual course of things, people you meet once at the airport you don’t imagine to meet again. Well let’s just say this time was an exception. Having done with the wedding and all its craziness, I was all set to get back to college. And then I see her again, not only had she travelled back to Hyderabad in the same flight with me for the second time, she even took the same bus from the airport, talk about coincidence! Well that should have been enough, or so I thought. She then of course became my best friend for the journey, we had a talk and it turned out she too wanted to get back to studies and apply for a masters in English (for the benefit of those who don’t know, I too was working before I decided to get back to studies and am now doing the very course of my current best friend’s dreams). So let’s say I was a messiah for her, and helped her know that even though she has been working for the last 5 years, and even though she has never done English Lit. her whole life, all isn’t lost for her. Now for someone who has wanted to go back to studies after such a long time, it isn’t easy. For one thing they have been so accustomed to the corporate world that opting to get back to a student life isn’t an easy transition. And even if they manage that there aren’t many colleges willing to take them in. Fortunately for her, this college of mine has all the answers to her problem and more. And so I went on and on praising my college, bragging about how it would be just the thing for her and how she wouldn’t find a better place to go to (damn EFLU admin folks in case your reading this pls consider this as an application for an amateur PR job, freelance ofcourse ;) !). So thus I managed to catch her attention, and did my good deed of the day.

What was in it for me?? Well apart from managing to write this post, talking to her, I managed to extract an advice I may have had in my mind a long time back but never was quite conscious of. I have been looking for a freelance job for some time now. Having had my share of fun time as a student in the first semester I think it’s time to earn a little pocket money for myself. And although I got a lot of offers unfortunately they were all for a full time job. I mentioned as much to my friend in the bus and that’s when I was shown light, no she did not offer me a job and neither did she give me any numbers of people who could do that, she simply made a statement, “have you thought of approaching your old employers?.” Silly as it may seem to you but I never did so till now. It was so brilliant, so simple. I am not saying that my old employers are waiting with open arms for me to come back to them, but I do know that I have a far better chance going that route than through any jobsite (yes I refuse to use names here in case someone plans to sue me).

So here I wrap up my post, having tagged my ex-boss and the remaining troupe of toi.com, please consider this an informal application. Nilanjana maam, I hope you would not find this too audacious, I simply thought this would be a way to ask you if you think I still have it in me to write. And this goes for the others also. As I said in the topic I “may” get hitched. Well this may not be the most traditional way, and I may just not get a job, but I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Cheers!!

"L-M-N-O-P"

2009-12-16T00:40:00.000-08:00

talk of male dominance hmph!!!
lol...ok i know this may have conveyed little or nuthing to you...this isnt a write up...just a small something a hostel buddy of mine came up with..

read these alphabets again..lyk u do when you sing the "A-B-C" song

LMNOP...

LMNOP...

can u hear urself forming a word there...??

if u managed it....u'll know what iv been trying 2 convey...its a small thing...but it quite caught my fancy...and urs??

Oh look thee superior being I am naught but the dumb animal…

2009-10-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

Was just reading up this little essay..where the mention of the word dumb came up…and as usual my mind refused to behave and instead of sticking around finishing the essay…I sat back and thought how the hell did we ever cum up with the word…or rather does the word dumb truly means dumb in the colloquial sense?

Hmm..let’s take it this ways..when I say dumb what’s the first thing that strikes your mind???...Am arrogantly presuming that you’d think it as someone with lesser intellectual capability than you own self…but think again…isn’t dumb only a way of calling someone mute…or rather a person incapable of speech..because mute as far as my knowledge goes means absolute silence…which well isn’t true for a verbally challenged man/woman who can, in any case, create sounds…of agony of mirth of sorrow…they would be different and yet there is some sound...

Anyways now that we know that those who are verbally challenged are in essence dumb not mute I’d like to talk of another aspect with regards to this word….dumb…

Well the very same word I guess implies to animals also, right? Hmm…I dunno, doesn’t that sorta make the whole of humanity an arrogant bunch… oh I know we have already established that in many ways well just add this one to the list too…think about it, I mean what gives us the right to call an animal dumb simply because it doesn’t seem to speak our language…many a times the term “dumb animal” even crops up in our efforts to be the good guys…I mean who hasn’t in the right spirit said “oh these poor dumb animals…they would’ve fought back if only they could speak”…lol…cumon guys do only humans have the whole sole authority on speech…I guess not…I mean so how can we call animals dumb…simply on the basis that they cannot speak “human language” well in that case we’d be dumb too just cos we don’t understand theirs…

Lolzz..ok I know there isn’t any “point” in this whole gibberish…it was just a thought which stuck around for as long as I wrote this piece down … it was just a thought I verbalized would love to hear what you all have to say on this one…

Cheers!!!

Taare zameen par...............did it consider everything??

2008-01-02T16:09:00.000-08:00

hmm undoubtedly one of the finest movies hitting a topic tht has been always close to my heart...... ie kids and the way their uniqueness gets trampled in this world whr a wild rat chase goes on n on n on........

if u have tym..pls read thru this lil post i made ages bak.....

What do moms want?? Scholars in diapers!!

anywys in essence this was all about how kids are forced to do things to finally "fit in" the BIG BAD world........

and i guess the way Aamir Khan has potrayed this aspect was nothing less than commendable......

chck out namesakes aka sam's write up for the same

And then there were stars...

hmm i guess now i should cum 2 the point i wanna make..............(pssst pls ignore my jabberings as its 5am n i am in a desperate need of sleep :P

hmm ok now to the point......

we have all seen the aspect of how kids if they get the ryt kind of teacher can do brilliantly ... ok so we have writtn n thot abt the first n the last part of the sentence............ie abt the child........but how abt changing the subject and luking at the word "teacher"...........

now wat was the best part of the movie.......the essence of it.of course it was ishaan's (darsheel's) brilliance....but luk closely....actually this fct stands out a mile.... the fact that HAD THERE BEEN NO AAMIR KHAN or NIKHUMBH as u knw him in the movie............ISHAAN"S BRILLIANCE WUD NOT HAVE BEEN NOTICED......

So wats the big deal abt tht.........i mean isnt tht kinda obvious........well yeh only i think tht was THE thing Aamir forgot to show....forgot 2 point out........ the fact tht such teachers as Nikumbh are sadly scarce.........

the question tht natuarally arises post this statement is WHY??........ i mean cumon its not tht India or Indians lack the brilliance.............hmm or mayb we cud easily say tht hey its the whole bloody educational system tht we follow in this country that pardon the lingo but....it totally sUcKzzz lyk big tym.............

well yeh u can say tht..........but then i rather wanna luk into an aspect i think the people...ie the common man cud work upon..........n tht is ................be a teacher urself...........
yeh yeh......i mean tht totally........... but knw wat the prob arises here is??......its abt not being able to be just tht.a gud teacher..

cosin our society.....even though ideally we idolize this proffesion (read Guru govind dou khade, kake lagav paay Balihari guru apne, jin govind diyo bataye)

But be honest to urself........how many of u would actually take it up as a first priority??,,...wud u lyk to be called as a 4std or primary school teacher...............n by this i am addressing bth guys n girls......

i dnt think so.....at least with those arnd me.........iv noticed tht if u take up teaching......it usually becums "the last resort" i mean if u arnt able to manage getting into any other "cool" proffession u end up doin a BEd...... now temme wen was the last tym you thot highly of sum classmate of urs who is doing a BEd,...i mean usually its a set thot process tht she/he tuk it cos he is good for nuthing in the other fields.....ryt??

well tht is the root cause of all the other issues tht arise frm our "horrible education system"
its our mindset...the mentality of people that needs to be changed...

i mean if we hand our kids (the lil shining stars) over to those ppl...who tuk teaching as the "last resort" wat wud happn to the growth tht the child has a right to??.......what would happn to the true talent tht each kid has hidden within him/her......its finally the teacher that has to make the child luv and realise his individuality.......

and the worse thing is...tht is the foundation education tht they r getting....

if our foundations are weak...then can u just imagine wat wud happn to all the tall buildings(in this case successful individuals)

i mean think about it....there mightv been only about a million children whose true talents and uniqueness might have been squashed...not unlyk darsheel post Aamir.....

ok so in essence i mean tht even though aamir has shown us the problem.its the path tht hasnt been shown...wat has been shown is bad teachers........wat hasnt been shown is the fact tht these teachers are those people who have chosen teachign as a career as the last resort..............which leads to further failures........maybe not in the rat race..........but failures as individuals..........
i yet again havnt a clue if i got my point across...but i hope i did cos yet again i just wanna repeat this topic is sumthing soo close to my heart..........

oh yeh n last but not the least.........if sum1 is actually very passionate abt teaching he/she usually chooses to be a proffessor in a collg rather than teach a bunch of kids in school....

i just hope sum1 says that i am worng here....cos changing pplz mentality is the toughest challenge ever posed to society

Merry Christmas: Tis the season to be jolly...

2007-12-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

HO!! HO!! HO!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!

Its holiday season yet again… another year almost gone by… yuletide spirit resounding across the globe. Gosh tis the season to be jolly… falalalalalala. It’s that time of year when we go reminiscing about the year gone by and wonder what’s the next 12 month kept in store for us.

Things have been achieved, India’s made its mark in many areas at the global platform, new talents have come into the forum and comedies have rocked the film industry (lolzz…sry I just hadta mention that).

Although I haven’t thought much in terms of Christmas celebrations, I seriously love the feel one gets when a carol is playing somewhere in the background… or those little red caps bobbing, or maybe those folks dressed up in Santa suits spreading a smile round town.

But you really wanna know the best thing about X-mas?? It’s the sudden urge that one gets to give. I don’t know if you go through it but during the holiday season somehow for some reason I get this sudden urge to give, give and give. (yeh yeh ideally I should be saying that this giving feel should happen 24*7 but just to be honest… it doesn’t come as frequently as it should… and hey am NOT proud of that… just that its an honest confession). Anyways the point is, here we aint talking about a particular culture. Here tis all about the spirit of being one.

I just hope that the reason that we celebrate these festivals actually sinks into us… and that’s to be one unified entity. Yeps I know it sounds idealistic… but then don’t we all aim to be just that??

Hmm for those who’ve read whatever gibberish iv written before would’ve been expecting this twist in the article… its no new to them I suppose … and for those who’ve actually gone through it for the first time, and are totally dazed… just a warning of sorts… I kinda like jumping around topics…….. Not done intentionally though believe me :D

Alright alright I just thought of writing this cause I didn’t see any blog on the same… wonder why???

But you know something just another random thought… although we do have religional probs within the country somehow the fact that so many cultures reside together within this nation gives us the opportunity to love and celebrate the festivals together. Just imagine not celebrating Christmas if Christians weren’t a part of India, or maybe Diwali if Hindu’s ceased to exist in this land. And how about Eid and Lohri? Well the list is endless and we just freak out on each holiday… f not in terms of celebrations… just think of how many offs we get from schools n offices.. ;) hahahaha…that oughta make you glad if for nothing else :P

Newyz…

I think its enuf for the day!!!

HAVE A GR8 HOLIDAY SEASON FOLKZ…………………………………!!!!

The death of innocence.

2007-12-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

"Heard of that kid abroad. This boy killed his fellow students just for the heck of it. What a shame!” was a comment I heard two days back. Yeah isn't it kind of true. Such shootout cases happen to kids abroad, not our precious little children who have been brought up in India.

But yesterday's shootout dispelled all myths. Azad Yadav along with his friend Vikas shot their classmate Abhishek in school. The pain of Abhishek's parents cannot be understood how so ever much we try. Their anger or shock cannot be put into words. They lost a son and on an issue where such an outcome seemed outrageous. I mean who thought that a school fight, a common sight seen across generations, could lead to a cold-blooded murder.

But right now I want to look into a totally different aspect to the whole incident. There was an article that had come out a few days back on how video games and TV have started showing violent and sexual content thereby harming the mental growth of the youth today. Such games lead kids to believe that killing is an easy way to end misery and that it's ok to use violence to get one heard.

Seeing murder and sex on a daily basis has made them a 'no-big-deal' thing these days.

But then we can't just blame the generation alone it's the whole society now that needs to take the blame. Today kids are being subjected to a lot of pressure, be it peer pressure or pressure to out-perform everyone in every field be it education, sports or other extra-curricular activities. What they need is someone who can help them out without making them feel intimidated or disgusted (read molly-cuddling teachers or over-zealous 'councillors').

These folks need help but it needs to be given very subtly. Psychiatry or Psychology may sound as great professional subjects but not many in India like to visit psychiatrists/psychologists. The discomfort stems from the fact that people believe that these doctors are for the mentally ill or to be more colloquial 'pagal' people. What they don't realise that the guys are just regular doctors who need to be visited ideally on a daily basics. Like we have family docs in India, in the US and UK most families have their own psychologist. It's a must these days.

We should stop being so arrogant as to think that the people in our society don't need it and that those people out of India suffer such mental problems solely because they have a casual lifestyle unlike ours. We still love to live in that dream world where we live perfect lives of dutiful sons, daughters, fathers, mothers etc. Unfortunately the reality is far different. We are in as much need of these doctors as anyone else across the globe. Once we accept that a lot of such problems would cease immediately.

Now back to the shootout incident.

What was Azad thinking when he was about to kill Abhishek? Why didn't anyone send all the three kids off to counselling as soon as that physical fight occurred? Had they not seen the basic fact that a physical fight meant that things had gone out of hands of the school authorities and that merely calming them at that moment or handing out punishments would not suffice?

A lot has changed in a child's psyche from what it used to be in yester years. Today children have far more responsibilities and choices in life. They can choose from a million pathways thereby they either may attain worldwide glory or might end up as Azad did... in jail.

I dunno what I have inferred from all that. Just that I strongly feel that we need to realise that such incidence won't be stopped unless we accept the faults in our society. Yes this is a great nation but it too is made up of human beings and like I said earlier in today's life we need counselling to deal with the pace and stress that comes as an excess baggage.

Just thot of posting something!!!

2007-12-06T16:51:00.000-08:00

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
Wrick................ he usually does tht

2. What were you doing at 0800?
Just waking up to start packing n rushing bak home

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Posting an emma watson pic in timesofindia.com as a home pic

4. What happened to you in 2006?
I started orkutting and learnt how 2 finally chat.. :P and made tonzzzzzzzz of online buddies....n not 2 forget started blogging

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
SHUT UP!!! a reason I cnt let out :P

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Coffee and tea if I dnt count water.. lets say abt 15 glasses.....all included

7. What color is your hairbrush?
Pink with black bristles

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Maggi!!!..:D

9. Where were you last night?
Attending a reception

10. What color is your front door?
White

11. Where do you keep your change?
In my wallet

12. What's the weather like today?
Cold...chillin' as usual...

13. What's the best ice-cream flavor?
Choco chips........... netym...yumm!!!

14. What excites you?
lots of things do.........I usually am overexcited ;)

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
NO WAYS!!!!!!.....but with my mum.I dnt really have a choice :(

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Nopesi.......not yet

17. Do you talk a lot?
Hmmm nah am the quiet sorts ;)................
and ekta kapoor is my bestesht fraand :P

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Nopes

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
ille pille paon :P......... but I do knw abt steven spielburg

20. Do you make up your own words?
yeh thts fun

21. Are you a jealous person?
yes I am......... found tht out not long bak.I can get really jealous most of the times

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Arti

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
first name tht cums 2 my mind is........ Kunal. :P

24. Who's the first person on your received call list?
Wrick

25. What does the last text message you received say?
Yeh I am hv 2 wake up early ofc ryt in da mornin newyz any new prpsls 2nyt?

26. Do you chew on your straw?
Sumtyms

27. Do you have curly hair?
YES!!......

28. Where's the next place you’re going to?
dunno... :O

29. Who's the rudest person in your life?
Pata nahin..........translates to: dunno

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Ruffle Lays (masala)

31. Will you get married in the future?
erm.........as sun as I get my fool 2 accept

32. What's the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
JAB WE MET!!!!!!!!!... :D it rockd

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
Yes

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
This morning

35. Are you currently depressed?
nopes just bored

36. Did you cry today?
No...

37. Why did you answer and post this?
tympass.wanned 2 fill my blog with sumthing!!!

38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
erm........ all those who have commentd on this blog...........pls pls...do this..... :)
I just pickd it up......n to those who have read this......go ahead give it a shot.. :)

Happy Dussehra!!

2007-10-21T04:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Dussehra folks!!

Well here is yet another festival that glorifies what we Indians are so proud of… our past. The golden history of our forefathers leaves most of us stumped till now. This festival stands out solely on the fact that we celebrate the victory of good over evil. Quite a cliché statement don’t you think? Well so be it... and yet it is true... I won’t deny that many-a-times things just don’t go the right way and we feel that this entire goody-goody factor is nothing more than a way to transport us into a fantasy world… an escape route from the harsh reality of the world. Maybe that is true too, and yet if we really look through things every ‘bad occurrence’ usually has a reason behind it. Something that ultimately is beneficial for us on the whole.

Too optimistic? Hmm… not quite actually, try doing this: write down all the negative things/incidents that have happened in your life… the one you may even be going through at the present moment. Once that’s done just ponder through and think if there was any new friend you made at that point or someone you thought was a friend but proved otherwise. Or you realized that you actually had a hidden talent within you which came out during that adversary. And if finally you find that nothing came through from it, there was one definite positive factor… and that was your inner strength the fact that you actually survived the ordeal. Did you know that you actually had so much of strength within you? That many a strong people would’ve actually committed suicide rather than face what you had faced. Well just feel proud of that.

Ok I know this may not have been relevant to the main reason for writing this article… so many a pardon for that. Lolz! Anyways

Happy Dussehra yet again to all of you and I hope that you would remember the fact that good always does win over evil in the end. It might take years, just as it did for Lord Ram but you finally do win.

Oh and like always…

INDIA ROX!!!

Yeh namesake...the middle name game is on...

2007-10-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

hmmmm middle name eh.....

well honestly speaking i dnt have one... though i guess since namesake tuk his blog name....i have a license 2 make one up 2.. :D

OK....Here are the rules:

* Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.

* When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.

* At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.

* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

alryt...i really am scratching my head on this one.....and i guess id go with.................

ACCIO............

thts linkd with my hotmail id...which the ppl who didnt knw much abt the potter series...assumed that it was my pet name...

or a unique invention of myn stylising my name sumhow :P

lolzzz....so well here goes...

A: Atrocious...yeh i can b if my heart sets on bugging sumone.... ;)

C: Coy.......hmmm i am in my own way a bit shy

C: Cautious............thts inherent actually I am a capricorn...so caution is really my middle name :P ...lol...sorry for the horrible pun.. :D

I: Ignorant ...yep usually I love behaving lyk an all knowing brat...lol..the granma who has all the answers stored in her...but usually its instinct which guides me into giving guidance to others...luckily for me...it sumhow always works.. ;)

O: Outrageous.... lol...kinda...geez i am turning out to b a monster aint i :D

newyz....phew!!!!...wow done..

ok now 2 find my bakras....ummm......................

A: Anand..i... mai.. :D

C: Cuckoo

C: Crackerjack.... moony ur show pls... :)

I: Isha

O: oye i get a slight licence in this one ..:P Hoppy aka shubhs...u do this :D

I fell in love today!!!!!

2007-10-03T12:24:00.001-07:00

Yep it happened finally…I fell in love in the office today…it was soooooooooooo awesome..... that feeling of wanting to hug someone…the adrenaline rush…….. gosh its hard to describe this ….

The affair went on all morning…..it started almost the moment I stepped in for work…… nothing could’ve felt more blissful…more perfect……………….

Wow …. Now that was sumthing wasn’t it…I mean I just re-read what I wrote n realized id gone nuts…oh soo totally…………………………lolzz..

But really I did fall in love today….just maybe the right question to ask me would be with what… and not with whom… :D

I dunno if you read about this lady who had wanted to sell herself and her son to save the life of her husband…..

Chck it out here

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2423097.cms

it was soo shocking.. but honestly speaking I thought not many would care.. I aint saying they would’ve ignored it totally…but I was sure tht the commnts which would cum wud mostly be tht of criticizing the govt…n the usual stuff…… but commnts came..and they came in hoards. I just don’t know how to describe what I went thru when I was clearing those comments… the love and the compassion shown by Indians from world over was overwhelming…the help didn’t stop ….the flow went on n on n on…. It felt that the whole nation had united to fight for a cause… and with every opinion I cleared I fell further in love with India.. I haven’t stopped smiling ever since… there was this feeling that I can’t seem to put into words…

I mean every single person was there to contribute… and from all the parts of the world.. it was amazing…. There were people who blindly wanted to send amounts most who said that they would do everything under their power to help out… the want to help was soo strong that almost all commentd the second time wondering why the trust they all routed for wasnt still set up… well to clear tht of… we had to get everyones msg across b4 the higher authorites workd upon it…..and they are working on it…in fact I think its already startd.. newyz tht besides the point…

You havta chck the comments sent by the people to realize what I mean….

There was this particular guy who was supposed to cum bak 2 india in nov but coz of this he plans 2 cum bak on the 5th…he said that he so wanted togo 2 the lady herselso that he cud help her out even aftr her husband recovers as there wud b a million more things to deal with…he gave his cuz no..and many contact details of himself..

And why just him….there were many who did jut the same…….each contributing in his/her on way……each dying to help out

I know I am blabbering…but I just want to spit it out…… gosh I am falling in love with my country and it feels so great.. this emotion that rarely comes besides the usual 15th aug or 26th jan….it gives a sense of security…a need to just hug sumthing……

Really I just feel great at the momnt…………….and all I can say is..

JAI HIND!!!!

2007-09-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2412410.cms

heres one with my name in it.. :)

lol....i have been writing 2 much on cricket hvnt i.. :P

hope u like this un too.. :D

something i wrote :)

2007-09-28T03:15:00.000-07:00

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2409336.cms
This is something I wrote rather to be honest compiled there is another one on the way thought Id share it with all of you. I seriously hope you like it and would love your views on improoving this. Nothing extraordinare, but it was a certain high to see that i contributed in a little way to the content of TOI :)

All in a day's work...

2007-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Yeh yeh yeh…here goes another job related nuance….someone asked me about freedom of speech in the comments given by the people…I mean I keep saying that I am currently editing the readers opinions…so we do the editing….but then what about the freedom of speech…?

Well in case u don’t know what am I talking about at the moment I suggest read that humongous RED thing pasted below.. :P yeh u’v gotta read thru..

What is wrong in appointing Saurabh Gongoli as new captain. for both ODI's and test Crecket.
Open your eyes, Dravid was same no experience and you put him on chair he got tired, So use experience and get back to basis,
Your 20/20 world cup team is a small buyers team and not fit enough to represent India. All Good buys are awaiting at Home and all rejects are there playing.
What a Selection team of BCCI>
evry one is fadup with such childish approach to a All India sports.
Think again and bring back Saurabh......

What is wrong with appointing Saurav Ganguly as the captain for both the ODIs as well as test cricket? Open your eyes, appointing Dravid had been a similar mistake, he had practically no experience and you gave him such a huge responsibility and he got tired. So use someone who is experienced and get back to the basics. The 20/20 World Cup team is small in comparison to the big league and not fit enough to represent India in the main World Cup. Many of India’s better players are out of the squad. What sort of selection has the BCCI done? This is a rather childish behaviour on the part of the selectors and they should really reconsider Ganguly for the position.

he no more expericne for the indian circket team skiper and all the team members are not like to ms dhoni for our captan

He does not have the right amount of experience that is required, to be a captain. This would also create a hindrance as due to Dhoni’s lack of seniority he would not be well accepted as a captain by his own teammates.

jada nahin bolna chahiye.....muh bund rakho???????

he will be experienced after some experience.

Dhoni will do well for the team. As for being experienced as a captain, well if once he does become a captain only then could he gain that required 'experience' that so many people are talking about. People have to start from somewhere right?

I agree. However, we found senior players experiences are also futile. We must try with young blood to apply own ideas and convinction and that will sooner show the good results.

I agree. However, we have also found that the experience of senior players has been futile. We must experiment with young blood who could apply fresh ideas and conviction and that might show better results.

I guess reading that wud have seriously cleared off that fact about y do v edit… gawd many a times I seriously forget what correct English looked like once ur going thru this…grammer goes for a six…:P

oh yeh n frankly these are examples I can seriously dare 2 post….and I dnt think a 2page comment wud exactly interest u…. ;)

We do get a variety of love letters, recipes, resumes and BC/MC comments which I don’t think I could dare paste out here………………..

But yeh we do get nice comments too…this ones perfect…no editing needed…

Perfect RO no changes!!

I think in India the politicians only understand the language of violence. Krishna tried his best to avoid violence but when it was required ultimately he did not shy away from it. The politicians should understand this very well. Hindus are no longer meek.

P.S. hope this also answers those who wondered what the hell DID I do in offc…not tht this is just my job..practically the whole team works on this…we get around 500 odd comments per day esp on the hot topix!!! :P

A tribute to you Shank!!

2007-09-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

~~~Shashank Swarup~~~

A friend who left us forever and went off alone to that place beyond. Funny really that I found out a lot of new aspects of his now. We were good buddies, but then this guy had a way with making frenz… I guess it was his innocence n matter-of-fact frankness that really appealed to everyone. I dunno it’s still not digestible, this fact about him leaving us…. I really thot abt this for a few days and realized that I needed to write this. I needed to tell people the little I knew of this guy and of what he meant to all those around him.
He played a lot of roles these are a few I thot I could chart out.

As a friend: As a buddy he was a darling. He just knew when I was upset and when I just wanted sum1 next to me and just be present. He was a total psycho. But a psycho with a big heart and a lot of understanding, many a times he just knew unspoken things. He had a funny way to console people. And yet when he did, it came across that he cared. And really that’s all that finally does matter, right? For me he was my ICSE buddy. The first person I ended up chatting with and finally bugging the whole class. 11D my first class in APJ, a co-ed I thot id never adjust to, cumin from an all girls skul. But know wat… shank turnd out 2b one of my very first buddies in class…. The irony being that he was an ex all-boy-skul product himself. Strange how things go abt dnt they? There were many times he sacrificed his wants to take care of a friend. And know something although he left for Pune to complete his grad his heart stayed with his frenz in Delhi. For him we were almost family. Being a hostelite…this is a fact that just cumz naturally, something I am sure all people who’ve ever stayed in a hostel would know. If you ever spoke to him on the ph (mind he wud usually not b the one calling up) you could hear the yearning in his voice.

And like his whole life his death turned out to be ironical. Those he loved so much in his life. For those he would run across the world for, there wasn’t anyone who was present there beside him when he left this world.

As a brother: As a bro…well I found this very strange when I heard that he was the responsible one between the siblings. Truly speaking, although I knew this guy was a caring fella I never could count him as a responsible bro…but he turned out to be more than that… he became a father figure for his younger brother. He was everything for that little guy.. a father a friend a guide.. Everything!! I last met Shank a year back…ever since we just never could meet up… and yet he left a void in me…but when I think of Shwetab… his younger bro… I realise that no one’s lament could match that little boys sorrow…

As an achiever: Yep he proved himself… this guy showed everyone that if you put your heart into a thing you could achieve it. He had his heart set on Symbiosis Pune. He had gotten thru quite a few good colleges but he never took the easy way out. He had created his aim and went for it…. And his struggle paid of and he got thru…. Just that he never got to study there………………….. but then I am so proud of this guy who was such a laid back chilled out kinda guy otherwise but a guy who turned out to have so much will-power that he fulfilled his dream before he left for his final visit to the Almighty. YOU DID IT SHANK!!!!!

As a son: This is one role I can’t talk on much, since I never really saw him playing it. But I do know that he loved his family…I do know that he was the eldest son in his family and that he always performed his duties as well.

Call me a feminist but chck this out....

2007-08-31T00:05:00.000-07:00

call me a feminist but chck this out....

"Development is a highly positive term. If we count westernisation as development then it is not true. It is up to an individual to decide what are her values and line of control. Development can't lead to deterioration."

a comment by a reader yet again n hell this tym just try n find out wat i am trying to point to all of you

pssttt... its in relation to the last post....

i wont write this tym n yet hope tht you can guess wat i am trying to show you.

Dear MR. Editor!!!!

2007-08-22T09:44:00.000-07:00

"Sir,It is a sad state of affairs that there is an unholy nexus.........."

"Mr Editor,Could we have a more incompetent......"

"Sir,I would like to know..........."

"Sir,Is there any criminal offence..............."

Yeh well I better stop here and explain eh.. Frankly this is like the minutest of a sample from the overflowing reader's opinion we get. Guess that was too fast. So let me start from the beginning. I work in an online journalism section of a company where readers in response to articles send their opinions. The quotes I posted way in the beginning are just a small percent of the lot we get. Which usually start this way.

So?? There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong there does it??..lol...yeh well really it isn’t your fault either... that’s the way most of us are conditioned right?

ohk ohk....wont uphold the suspense anymore.....the thing bugging me here is the beginning of each sentence. Why is it always SIR or MR. EDITOR??....is it coz the editor is really a male??.. not quite...my boss..rather boss’s boss is a female..a brilliant one at that.

so really the Sir came as a conditioned response than knowledge...a pity don’t you think...women have done wonders in almost all fields and yet when one thinks about a doctor or a lawyer the "HE" or male factor comes in doesn’t it. just be honest for once. And hey this isn’t an attack on only the males...female members of our society are just as guilty of this.

In fact, just before ending this i'd like to add a question my psychology proff. asked us in our first year of grad. She told us this incident and asked us to give an answer to the puzzle…….i’ll try and frame the question as well as I can:

One stormy night, a father and a son were traveling in a car across a forest. Here they met with a deadly accident where the father died on the spot. The son was badly injured but a few people who were accidentally passing by took the kid straight to the nearest hospital. There the doctor in charge immediately operated on the child and then went straight to the people and said…”Thank you. You have saved my son”.

Hmm now if you haven’t figured out the answer I just might be a bit surprised. But even if that is the case the answer is simple……….. The doc was the child’s mum. Easy is it??Not quite usually people never figure it out. The answers I get to this question varies from the doc being a church’s father to the ghost of the father entering the doc to thank the people. Rather amusing aint it??

But truly speaking it’s a tragic thing. Nothing of harm mabbe. But all things evil or good start with the thought behind it. They start with the attitude and aptitude of a person towards a certain thing. And if that is negative God forbid a lot of negativities would come out of that.

Think about it!!!

The Man in My Life....

2007-07-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

Rather a catching title eh ;) lol.. well yeh he has till now been the only man in my life. Still is, but I dunno when would that change. And if I take in my mothers interpretation the sooner that change happens the better lol.. not really I guess if I have my way that is. My man supports me too for the same you know :) .. hmm well nothing as attractive as you might think. But to me he is much more attractive and dear than any other person in my life and could never be replaced.

DADDYKINZ I LOVE YOU!!!

Yep my papa aka pop jo aka daddy jo aka dadda (has quite a few names to his credit doesn’t he).

Usually children make their fathers their best buddies. Well I don’t think I had ever shared that casual a rapport with my dad. He is a friend but not a “buddy” (dunno how do I explain that any better but I guess I could get the message across). Having inherited most of his traits, obviously we have had our share of clashes. For one thing both of us have that stubborn streak. As far as I recall once we hadn’t spoken to each other for weeks together even though we stayed under the same roof. That when I had barely turned 11. Had it not been my mother’s insistence of locking us out of the house for a week if we continued our tryst any further, I guess it would’ve taken us months to even say hi. That apart from the many strange battles of wills I’ve had with papa. Strangely we never had many verbal fights, a privilege I just share with my mum. With dad well many a times I don’t need to even speak (yep I do manage to stay quite at times you know…maano ya na maano :P). Just coz we are so similar by nature my dad understands my silence more often than not.

A man of few needs, dad’s dearest wish is to run off to the hills and immerse himself into meditation and the Almighty. Strange for someone who most of his life was surrounded by the most exotic materialistic things available on the face of this earth. And yet the battles and ups n downs my dads faced leaves me in awe. Yeh I know it’s a cliché (but then clichés are clichés coz they stand true in case of many ryt?) well then just like millions of kids round the world I too look upto my dad. Seen him face tough situations in life and yet smiling and sailing through the whole thing.

But having said all of this, papa has always been too emotional. In fact this very friendly, understanding and emotional nature of his has made him a buddy for most of my cousins. But personally I call him an emotional fool. He is a Cancerian and I am a Capricorn. I guess that really does make me many a times impatient towards that emotional side of his. Sorry dadda for hurting you with that impatience for not being able to reach your level of emotional superiority. All because of this fool of a practical brain of mine which never allows me to understand.

A guide someone who recognized my talent to write and encouraged me to go ahead. A supporter to all the decisions I made respecting them and treating me as an adult always howsoever erratic I sounded. A diary to whom I could open upto and speak to bluntly about many topics which exist under the sun (one of my favorite being the time we discussed as to why arranged marriages are better than love marriages).
Thanx dad for involving me and trusting me to make decisions for the family. For taking my opinion on most matters even when I hadn’t even touched my teens. For letting me take any course in my life and trying and finding out all the positive factors for that decision of mine. For showing me the fact that take precautions before the occurrence of any disaster and once the loss has occurred cheer up and think that you never owned any object like that or that whatever happened was meant to happen and would be of advantage to you.

Love you for everything.

…….~ ~ **HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA** ~ ~ .......

(13th July 2007)

A Soupful of Years..

2007-07-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

A tear in your eye and a smile on your lips. That bittersweet feeling, of leaving a beautiful past and yet looking on, in hope for the unknown future. Taking a difficult decision for the right even though it tears your heart apart.

We have all passed thru various phases in our lives. Been hurt and healed simultaneously. Many a times, especially as teenagers we think it’s just us who experience hurt or injustice. We think twice before saying something or sharing our thoughts, fearing that worse would come from the same. Plus our worse fears of being publicly humiliated or pitied leaves us keeping our secrets to ourselves. Little do we realize then that the same inhibitions, fears and stories are being lived by many just like us.

And then we need a friend….

Unfortunately I never did think much of myself as a teen. Was an introvert for most of my teen years. I took comfort in books then. Hung on to them as my best pals. And then there was this one series which really took me away and made me forget my life. Just as a bowlful of chicken soup is something an ill person needs most, my hurt and confused soul needed those dollops of helpings of the “Chicken Soup” series. I guess there were many like me who empathized with those little stories. Each just leaving you with that weird feeling of wondering how on earth did those thoughts you kept in the innermost part of your heart have been so clearly bared out by some stranger living in the other end of the world.

Am sure many shared the same relationship with this particular series like I did. Many times I thought of sending my story. But something always held me back. How I wish at least I would’ve written and preserved my thoughts then. I of course know those stories still and yet I could never replicate that helplessness I had then. And without that it would be useless. For really the essence of these stories were the intensity and honesty of emotions. Well then that’s the past. And I really thank “chicken soup” for helping me sail through those years. Not easy really, but then at least those stories had never let me feel lonely and alone. I always knew that there was someone out there who suffered just like me or even worse and in some strange way of my own it helped me heal. For those who have read them, I trust they’d know what I have been trying to convey and for those who haven’t well your missing something beautiful the soul series is there for every phase of your life. Just go and pick one up for yourself. I hope you would love it as much as I did.

gr8.. :P tagged me huh varsh..

2007-06-21T04:43:00.000-07:00

Here are the rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person before you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.So here it goes...

Your Name: Aashi

Famous Singer/Band: ABBA

4 letter word: Alas

Street: ...hmm i ccant think of ne at the mo.. so skip this

Color: Aqua

Gifts/Presents: Antiques

Vehicle: Audi

Things in a Souvenir Shop: ...antique jewelry

Boy Name: Aditya

Girl Name: Akanksha

Movie Title: Antz

Drink: Apple juice :P

Occupation: Astronaut

Flower: African lilly

Celebrity: Audrey Hepburn...(dunno y tht name popd.. :O)

Magazine: ASK mag

City: Atlantic

Pro Sports Teams: Australian cricket team....(cudnt get "pro'er" then this :P)

Fruit: Apple

Reason for Being Late for Work: Appendix 2 b removed :P(i skipped office yestrdy)

Something You Throw Away: apple core

Things You Shout: Ahoy!!!!!

Cartoon Character: Ariel....the mermaid

lolzz....hmm now i tag ...

tushar mangal..

moonstruck crakerjack...

eshu....

urvashi pant.. (start getting ur blog gng di :P)

No-Show At Cannes

2007-06-20T04:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20070607&fname=harshpant&sid=1&pn=1

There's a lot of hoopla surrounding the fact that Indian cinema is becoming global. Really? What exactly did the largest producer of films in the world have to show for itself at the recent Cannes film festival?

by harsh.v.pant

WHAT DO MOMS WANT?? SCHOLARS IN DIAPERS!!!

2007-06-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

Language in the third month, encyclopedic knowledge from the sixth month and maths from the ninth month. Bingo! Your infant becomes a scholar within a year.

Hmm think about this. Delhi folks who read “Metro Now” would’ve seen this in their newspapers today. I was always worried about the children in today’s world but these stats are alarming I mean for heavens sake, is this what you want for your child? Just coz a few kids are born geniuses you cant force your tot to be the same can you?

Yes its always good to start nurturing your child’s skills early and channelise his thinking but coz of this admission competition today little children are forced to start moving at a faster pace than in the normal course should be taken. Poor Dears!

Don’t you think we are repeating something our forefathers did? Yes there are many career options in this world today and well all spheres are opening up but just coz a child shows interest in music parents shouldn’t start focusing him in toto onto the same (reminds me quite of the classic “Another Brick in the Wall”). And by ‘child’ I mean kids of around 3 years.

What happened to overall development? What happened to letting a child bask and enjoy his childhood? Just because of a Sania Mirza or a Dhoni or a Kartikeyan many kids today are being forced to play seriously. Sports which were supposed to be something of a stress buster have suddenly become serious business. In fact as far as I recall a case had come up where a father was accused by his wife of torturing their son to death in the craze of making him a tennis star.

Every child is unique and frankly each has his own gift. It might be true that he/she enjoys writing but that doesn’t mean that they would be the next Rowling or Kiran Desai. It might be that writing is just one part of the child’s interest. Who knows he might also love logic or has a hand in designing. But, to realize that, he should be able to get a chance to do everything. Incidentally that also does not mean that he should be sent for classes for all of them. Let your kid be. Teach him what you can at home first. Let the kid enjoy his innocence.

By the way, think about it, aren’t you being a tad bit selfish. Recall your childhood for once. As far as I was concerned I think most of us in that era had a dreamy childhood. Member the days we used to spend playing “langdi taang” “unch neech” “pitthu” etc etc… Don’t you think we learnt things from those games? Don’t you think what we are today a bit of the credit goes to those seemingly silly things we did as children?

We weren’t forced to play those games. They came to us coz we enjoyed them. And don’t you think we have done well. Our generation today has done wonders, hasn’t it? Well then why make the world more fast paced than what it already is. Make your kids work hard when they attain the right age not when they are supposed to have fun. In fact many a times creativity comes when one isn’t “expected” to do something. Its true even when we are in our 20’s 30’s right. Laugh as you may but sometimes the best ideas come in your visits to the loo when your mind isn’t occupied in the nitty gritty’s or deadlines.

Frankly I don’t think I stuck to the topic in total (lolz..as usual) and that it’s still unpolished. Yet, all I hope is that what I DID intend to say I could get it across to you all. I know there is a lot more to add in this subject and I hope to see your comments on the same.

What happend to that five letter word?

2007-06-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you trusted a stranger? Did you ever feel guilty of not helping out a blind or a physically challenged person cross the road? When was the last time you gave your phone to a needy person? Do you totally believe a person when they say that they’d change in2 a new leaf?
Well frankly I’d put my head down coz I am defiantly guilty of not having faith in people. Strange don’t you think? I mean the way we go about it just because 10 percent of the population we don’t help out the rest 90%. We are suspicious and apprehensive about everything at all times aren’t we?
Pardon me if it hurts sentiments but really the worse of such cases I have seen is mistrust towards Muslims. I can’t seem to understand why because of a few freaks the whole community is looked down upon. I have quite a few Muslim buddies and really there ain’t any issues with them. Heck one doesn’t even care or know about it unless asked specifically.
in fact I think I’d take an e.g. from my own family. My bhabhi (sis in law) and I were traveling on a train with a baby. Now we had a rather uncomfortable seat and the child needed to have some space. There was a berth next to us which was solely occupied by a Muslim gentleman. I requested my bhabhs to ask him for the seat but I got the weirdest reaction possible from her and she simply put it that he is a Muslim. That taking into account that she is the most broadminded person I know. Well I simply went on my own and he graciously gave up his seat I mean just cause some terrorists turn out to be Muslims it doesn’t mean that you’d typecast the whole faith as that.

It’s unfair.

Stork "tees" up at Randhawa's Doorway

2007-05-14T03:02:00.000-07:00

Jyoti Randhawa one of India's ace golfers was in Noida last Sunday. He had been invited by McDowell's Signature Club to play against the top Indian amateurs at the Noida Golf course and he came out victorious. Incidentally this was the second win in four hours after he won the DLF Masters.

Compered by Manpreet Brar, the results of the tournament had Randhawa leading with a total of 85 points while India's leading amateur, Simarjeet Singh, seconded with 75 points. Vikram Rana finished third and Anirban Lahiri and Jasjeet Singh tied-fourth with 65 and 60 points.

Newly experiencing the joys of fatherhood, Randhawa's face softened up at the mention of his newly born son, Zorawar. When asked how he changed Jyoti as a golfer, pat came the reply that it helped him become more matured and humble as a person. "One of the most common requirements for any golfer to perform well is to be humble apart from having a great level of concentration and maturity." He further added that "One has to always keep working for every game because in this game any one could beat you, so consistent performance is of utmost importance."

Conversations further moved towards how golf is now better accessible to the average middle class. In that respect Randhawa was clear that Indians now had access to golf but there is a serious lack of golf courses in India. He also said that if Indian golf had to raise its platform to the International arena it is of utmost importance that pro-golfers coach the upcoming ones and guide them in the right direction. When questioned if he would like to write a book on the same respect, Randhawa smiled and said he would do so as soon as he found a writer for himself.

The one-day extravaganza also saw Jyoti taking on the charms of actress Neha Dhupia on the golfing greens, albeit blind-folded. Ranked 77th in the International arena, Jyoti charmed actress Neha Dhupia by giving her tips on golf.

Your Leisure, My Work

2007-04-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

A bit more gibberish....sorry just thought i wud post it nonetheless..had to do something here

We all work right?? Strangely what seems a job for one turns out to be a source of entertainment or “change” for the other. Rather to be specific I am currently refrerring more to the so called “unconventional” jobs.

To a journalist or an editor the newspapers and magazines are an integral part od their work while for others it’s a it’s a part of their routine relaxation period. To lay back with a cup of coffee and a paper in hand.

Now that person might be a music composer or a DJ or such for whom music apart from passion is a job his bread earning method to be precise. The irony now being that music is a soothing change for that same journalist who provides those guys their leisure breaks.

So now, what is the point of writing this? Believe me I am not very sure yet again. This was just a thought that crossed my mind while I was working and for a change switched on the radio. Funnily enough I wonder how I never mentioned an RJ back there??

Well I suppose that maybe because I love jabbering and I have that field too somewhere back in my sub conscience mind…

this post is 4 the time being wud explain it further later on

2007-02-28T03:23:00.000-08:00

ok...so kekai...acc 2 me...was never bad or evil or ne thing such....she was the most amazing step mom ramji cud ever have....reasons....the ramayan u n i have heard n read till now has always been in hindi...rite???? well if u read it in the orginal txt..then several meanings cum outta it....one of them being tht...kekai had sent ram 4 a vanvas on purpose...she knew tht he had 2 face ravan...she also knew tht ram had practically no experiance of the hardships of life...coz he was the son of a king...and had led a shelterd life...he had 2 knw the pains which he cud learn ona forest only...so thts the reason y he was sent 2 the jungle....also manthra...the so calld evil servant who manipulated all of this was basically an ancient form of spy.....she had found out abt ravan...n rams purpose on earth.... apart frm tht kekai also was the wife who helpd dash in his official duties...remember she was the one who helpd him fite the war....she was a manly form of a woman...so thts y coz our society startd 2 bcum
so thts y coz our society startd 2 bcum ....a male dominated 1....ppl cudnt stand the fact tht kekai had such a strong role in ramayan....one of the main epics of our country...the ppl of the mid ages also knew tht the later gen wudnt knw ne other lang apart frm hindi...tht is so true coz even sanskrit thou widely studied...isnt the same which was there many yrs bk...it has been changed 4 the benefit of these dayz...newy...so coz of tht mostly all convertd txt show kekai n manthra in bad lite...
dnt put it in blog...there is an addition 2 it...n nope she wasnt bad.....she had 2 do tht...y else dya think ramji thnkd her b4 ne1 else......thts coz he realised wat valuable lesson he had learnt....also if she had wanned 2 hv bharat take the thrown......y didnt she push him...n in necase she knew how close bharat n ram were....plus she never did try n entice bharat ever....there is nothing in either form of txt..original or hindi....which tells us tht...so really tht reasonin of her 2 get her son on the thrown is practically baseless
2 wishes she culd ask......one of the wishes was give ram banvas....other was bharat given the thrownread again dear
........newy...yes those were her reasons....but the purpose behind it was pure...she cudnt tell dashrat the entire truth...coz he was a man who thot thru his heart n not head...he never did realise tht rams gng 2 the jungle will help the entire human race...had he been told the real reason...he wudv tried 2 protect his beloved son...so kekai needed a solid reason 2 support her want...

Some Gibberish!!!!...

2007-02-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

I fancy myself a writer of sorts. Oh, believe me I know I am but an average writer and yet....

My friends -both in the virtual and the real world- praise me to the extent that at times I get concieted and carried away by my own thoughts.

All this is rather funny because whenever one of my "fans" show me their work I feel totally insignificant and at times even mocked at.

I suddenly feel that my work seems to be kindergarten stuff in front of those of my friends. For my choice of words I think are totally simple and usually lack subtlety (which all my friends totally agree upon).

All this is so true, and yet I always did want to keep my writings simple. It was something I admired in the poems of wordsworth. To me a poem had always been a means to express your thoughts and ideas to the people on the whole.

Wordsworth always used the language of the comman man. Beautiful thoughts and great philosophies of life were communicated in such wondeful verses, that every person who read it got enthralled by it. Yes, thats the one trait I loved Wordsworth for and kept him as my mentor unconciously.

So am I trying to justify myself? Hmmm..maybe I am, not that I claim to be a second Wordsworth (a very politically correct statement, dont u think). But I guess its either this reason or the fact that I am a totally idiotic writer with an ego of the size of a basketball. So I'd rather stick to the former idea.

Well my love affair with words began when my elementry teacher, Mdm. Perry, at UNIS made me pen stories or should I say type stories. I stuck to story writing initially, for to me poems were for the elite.

Now the person I want to thank for getting me started with poetry, is my father and of course the 3rd grade(umm...i meant the 3rd std) teacher who had asked us to make a project on pollution. It was my father's idea that I add a poem in the end for the extra mark. After a lot of bickering and point blank refusals, my father got what he wanted, and the result of which I am still considerd by the whole of my family as a poetess..(eww) and a poem which many of my siblings know by heart to date. I dont think you are really intrested in it. and yet how can I presume that you are actually reading this artcle (also as this is my space and I can do anything with it as I like). I hereby present that masterpiece:

yes unfortunatly I do remember it...ahem newyz....

pollution pollution
i hate pollution
think think think
and find a solution

noises and noises
i hate those noises
when people speak
on top of their voices

whenever i breathe smoke
in my throat i get a choke

if pollution goes on
there would be
nothing left in this world
except thorns.

all this with the elementry "thank you" of course. well thats only about how much I can put down right now. Its not that my mind hasnt got any more ideas running through it. But I think I'd keep the doses slightly light. What say you????

HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!!